I have a confession to make. That is usually my first question if baby is crying. I know better but I can’t help it, so even with full supply BFAR gets the best of me sometimes. Take tonight, for example. I was headed for a shower after my run. I was literally one foot in the shower reaching to turn on the water and then heard DH and kids downstairs coming back from their walk. Then I heard Andrew crying. I immediately wanted to come run out of the bathroom, buck naked by the way, and ask if DS was hungry and needed to nurse. Then I caught myself and took a deep breath. My own instructions to DH before I left were: I changed him, I nursed him, if he gets hungry you can give him solids. So I took another deep breath and told myself that DH can handle it and if DS is really hungry he can have some food. Then I proceeded with my shower.

If you want to know, DS was crying because he was tired. When I got out of the shower and came downstairs I saw DS sleeping on DH’s chest. He did get some solids at some point but I did not even bother asking when. Probably when they were in the park, before they even got home.

Polina

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I feel bad that I haven’t posted in a while. Let’s just say there have been good days and bad days but the good ones are becoming more the norm.  I’ve had a couple of things happen in my personal life that directly effected my milk supply.  First, my Grandma died unexpectedly.  Then I found out that my husband is being deployed - also unexpected.  For a couple of days afterward my milk supply was quite low and Gideon ate more frequently.  Gideon’s one-month appointment didn’t go as well as I’d hoped either.  He was “only” up to 10lb 12oz, which was a pound gain in three weeks.  The doctor he saw (not his normal doc) pushed me giving formula.  I am so close to a full supply that I didn’t want to risk it so I decided to allow Gideon longer on each side at feedings and to add alfalfa to my fenugreek.  This worked really well and at his weight check at 6 weeks old he had gained almost a pound in two weeks.  Now he is up to 11lb 10oz.  I’m so pleased and now the doctor has relaxed about his weight gain.  Whew!  BFARing is hard enough without a doctor putting unnecessary pressure on you.

Julie

Could this be anymore confusing?  This BFARing is a different experience from day to day.  The learning curve is ginormous.  Just when I think “I’m doing it!” here comes a curve ball.  Things had been going fairly well.  I introduced fenugreek in order to feel like my supply was less precarious.  I feel like I got a boost though he was still draining both sides at every nursing and cluster feeding a couple of times a day.  Thursday was the most disconcerting so far.  He woke up about 6 AM and ate and ate and ate and ate.  Each time I thought he was satisfied I’d try to get something done - like feeding my other children, and in minutes it seemed he was frantic for more.  Ugh!  I don’t know what he ended up getting because I felt as dried up as an old mummy.  My little guy didn’t even sleep for more than a few minutes at a time until after 2 PM.  That goes beyond cluster feeding if you ask me.  So many questions.  Is the fenugreek no longer working?  Is DS having a growth spurt or is he starving?  Do I need to suppliment?  On and on.  I’m grateful for the support on the BFAR forum.  So many wise and experienced women who helped to answer my questions and support me.  Yesterday and today have been better.  I upped my fenugreek and it seems to have made a difference.  Gideon is going longer between feedings and one of the results of that is that I feel fuller and have more to give when he does eat and that is a good feeling.  For the first time since he was born he would feed off of one side only.  I don’t know how long that will last.

Julie

Gideon is six days old today.  We had a rough patch this evening.  He seemed to want to nurse but he’d latch and fuss and pull and squirm and pop off only to search for the nipple again and start all over.  I convinced myself that I was “out”.  While he struggled to nurse, struggled to get milk that wasn’t there I thought, I patted and shooshed and tried to rub his back or his belly.  The doubts flood in in moments like these.  Doubts with a hint of guilt.

Julie

No matter how I tweak my galactagogues, I just can’t pump enough for my son when I’m at work. So a couple of weeks ago we started solids. Thankfully Andrew loves eating and it’s been a life-saver. He now gets 2-3 jars of organic baby food when I’m away and so far what I pump has been plenty for him (knock on wood). It’s such a big relief. Besides, it solids give me a little freedom too. Since he still nurses all the time when I’m with him, I can at least sneak out for a couple of hours without worrying that he’ll want to nurse. Now instead of milk he can get solids to tide him over and we don’t have to dip into the freezer stash plus I don’t have to worry about pumping afterwards. Hopefully things will continue to go smoothly with solids.

Polina

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She didn’t gain weight again at last week’s checkup, so I emailed the doctor in a panic. I thought we’d gotten it sorted out with eliminating dairy, but apparently not.

The doctor’s advice was this: Stuff her as full as you can — get her as much formula as she’ll take — and we’ll weigh her next Wednesday. If she still hasn’t gained, we’ll put her on meds for reflux.

Now, I am a doctor’s-orders-following kind of gal. The baby has been taking 10 oz of food a day, but this week I have given her 14-20 oz, basically making her eat as often as she’ll open her mouth.

Here’s my concern: what if she DOES gain weight this week and it all simply proves that I was under-feeding her before? I’d feel awful! Everyone I’ve spoken to says “If your baby is hungry, she’ll let you know,” but mine doesn’t. She doesn’t fuss if she’s hungry. I don’t even know when she’s hungry — I just offer her food every couple hours.

And here’s my other concern: Let’s say she does have reflux and I’ve been OVER-feeding her this week? What if I stretch her little stomach out so she’s always hungry? Am I going to get her in the habit of over-eating and end up with an obese five-year-old?

These don’t seem like the kinds of things I should have to worry about.

Two other issues: First, I’ve been feeding her so much more frequently with the SNS that we haven’t nursed bare much. Twice when I’ve tried now, she’s been fussy and pulled on and off. Have I gotten her so used to the flow of the SNS that she won’t want to nurse without it anymore?

Also, my Peapod seems to have about twice as many wet diapers as the average kid her age. A couple each day are just damp, but most are really wet, and this week, with the extra supplement, she’s had 12, 14, and 13 wet diapers respectively (the average is 4-6). Is this evidence of over-feeding or am I paranoid? Can you even overfeed a kid? Some sources say no.

Sigh. Every week it’s something new. I hope we find the answer soon.

Kara

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Today I feel exhausted because The Nibblet wanted to nurse ALL NIGHT LONG. I went to work yesterday for the first time in nearly a week and I’m sure she just wanted to re-connect after being away from me for more than 10 hours. Who can blame her! She’s co-sleeping so it’s not as if I have to get up and do anything when she wakes, but she started to squawk every time my nipple fell out of her mouth last night - which was quite disruptive (and left me feeling raw this morning). After nights like these, I selfishly start to think about getting her out of my bed and sleeping through the night. She’s 9 months old and certainly is eating enough solids to make it through the night without nursing. But at the same time, I love the closeness and worry that the night nursing is the only thing that’s keeping my prolactin levels high enough to exclusively breast feed. I think that she gets about 1/3rd of her milk intake during the night. Hoping that tonight goes back to normal with only 1-2 night wakings.

Beth